more from
Pure Noise Records
We’ve updated our Terms of Use to reflect our new entity name and address. You can review the changes here.
We’ve updated our Terms of Use. You can review the changes here.

No Joy

by Spanish Love Songs

/
  • Streaming + Download

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    Purchasable with gift card

      $7 USD  or more

     

1.
Lifers 03:34
Last week I thought about you on the Autobahn. Backlit on the edge of the forest. Blissed out with headphones on. Listening to deathbed confessionals. Want to find someone more dependable. Instead of me and my guillotine. Said you thought I was a lifer too. Every time we're back here you feel sick. That twin bed makes you feel like a kid. You apologize to me cause you can't help it. It's the notion that your body is never gonna change. The baby fat that's hiding in your cheeks won't fade. And you're not sure why, but when you leave the house you circle the block to cry. Do you think that we'll outrun it? Get past the pain of simply being? Every time you want out of your body, or can't get your head around this dream. You swore you loved it more when you couldn't guess the end. It's never adding up, but don't write yourself out of the equation. I see the crash down in the canyon. Let the wheel drift towards the median. Pretend you're not paying attention. We hit the ditch and flip -- suddenly my wrist is broken. I ask if you're okay with your head wide open. You smile for my benefit, cause no you aren't.
2.
Pendulum 03:34
The vampires come at four in the morning out for blood with their spotlight on me. I think about dying but it sounds too lonely. And I think about you in a lucid dream. Do your best to go out in your sleep. Beg for compassion while some preacher calls you dangerous. But you love who you love. I melt when you walk in the room. And we want what we want, but we can't sort it out. Everything in its place. My sentimental heartache. Wait for that pendulum to go. But I know what they say when I walk in the light. there's no joy in my life. there's no joy when I'm right. My mind starts to glitch at the same time each day. Find me passed out on the parquet. I'm changing in a visceral way. Hold onto your hand as the waves start to rise. Think about how our father's tried and tried and tried and tried to give us a better life. It's so hard to love when you're dying in an empty room. We won't get what we want cause we can't sort it out. Everything in its place. My sentimental heartache. Waiting for the sun to explode. It's so hard to love. I melt when you walk in the room. We might get what we want, but what good will that do? Everything in its place. My sentimental heartache. Waiting for the sun to explode. Still waiting for that pendulum to go.
3.
Haunted 03:43
You pulled off the road so you could cry. It's too quiet in the suburbs. Searched your mind to try to find where the bottom really was. When you felt nothing but young and in love and they didn't love you in return. The look that was in their eyes is a memory you've burned. You sleep with a window open and you hope the cold gets in your heart. But you're not haunted. You just miss everything. You're not a ghost, so stop disappearing. There's another body in the McDonald's parking lot. The cops stand around like there's nothing to do. You start to worry that's what you'll look like when it catches up. You're a stranger in your photos. Melt into a drink with all your friends. And you're swallowed in a moment. The metaphor is meaningless. You'll say, "that's okay they never liked me anyway." But there's a killer in your heart. You're not haunted. You just miss everything. You're not a cautionary tale, so don't you vanish on me. You're losing weekends and then the days will start to slide. You keep breaking all these habits, but you can't seem to get by. And you used to daydream about the things you'd do and say when you were famous, but now the plastic in your belly has you feeling all sorts of sick. You used to daydream. And you're not haunted. It's just the devil in your skin. It'll be this bleak forever, but it is a way to live. You're not alone. You just miss everything. When you're feeling like a ghost would you come haunt me please? It's every trip into that empty house. The silence from the street. Your blanket in your seat and the nearly muted TV. There's no answer from you, and your phone blinks with my reply. It's that lump in my chest and my relief to hear you cry.
4.
Drove across Nebraska for the fourth time in a year. The sky looked like a cracked phone screen. Saw an angel on a hill built on top of a landfill overlooking the mess I've made. Fuck the garden and the yard. I can barely tend to my own dreams. Maybe a big life isn't ours. Shot down in the middle of the street. You had me there for a second. I start to believe that we could make it. It's just like life to come teach me a lesson, but every time I swear I forget it. I whistle while I work, but the work is gone, so let the clean-up crew just come eat me alive. You've been driving drunk. Hoping you get caught. Living like you're nineteen in your mind. As you barter with yourself. You're running out of things to sell to overcome the death in your eyes. Fuck the garden and the yard. You can barely tend to your own dreams. Maybe a big life isn't meant for us. We'll settle down on a quiet street and hope we don't give in. I'm seeing you in dreams. You're happy and healthy. Eager to talk after my surprise wedding. They're pushing back the dirt in Tennessee and you ask me, "is this where you want to be?" Fuck the garden and the yard. We can barely tend to our own dreams. Maybe a big life isn't ours. Shot dead in the middle of street.
5.
The boatman came your way without warning, other than that black spot in your lungs. In the end we're all blaming someone. No looking back again. Conspiracies melting your brain. Whatever it takes to make you feel safe. Lost love and a six pack of beer. You lay down and pray for another round. But the coughing, the hate and the fear -- they won't let you go. Where would we be if life wasn't a chisel? Middle of nine. You're touched by god. That black hole ate all of your serotonin, and no one asks why you're ready to go. On the day my brother died the world started tilting. Middle of four, now three. Make you question it all. The plans you break. Cement my legacy. But the voices in your head say you're worthless. They won't let you go. But you were a slow march. This life ain't for choosing. There is no second draft. No happiness coming. You've been trying so long that you don't know why you're not smiling. It's a buck in the machine and you let the slots spin. Do you remember the look on my face when you told me you wanted to die? Drive that car right off of the cliff as long as I wasn't inside. You've been crying your whole damn life and they dare ask why you're not smiling. It's a buck in the machine. You let the slot spin and beg let me down easy.
6.
Marvel 03:35
Life like a city in a painting -- it looked better from afar. You used to buzz at every all-night diner like it's all you really were. But every day now you wake up and realize you don't want to wake up. It's so hard to find a sign when every ad says "You'll be fine." Silent explosions in your mind come take you down at any time. Just trying to make it to the end of the world. Stay alive out of spite. The years turn never-ending. Your fear of dying in the self-help irony. You said "I finally learned to love to hate myself for my chronic empathy, but I'll be fine. Silent explosions in my mind can come take me down at any time. Just trying to make it to the end of the world. I'll stay alive out of spite." Some days there's just so much to marvel at and other days you're at the bottom of a pit. There's really just so much to marvel at -- we hope our eyes can adjust to it. But we'll be fine. Silent explosions in our minds come take us down one at a time. We want to marvel at the end of the world. Stay alive out of spite.
7.
May 5th. Wake up in an ambulance. Holding my brother's hand. Asking him what went wrong. Throwing fits. They ask who's president. I say "it don't make sense. Is there a war going on?" The fire in my mind and the first time I felt crazy. I'm still paying that fine. I can't remember the look on your face when I told you that I might want to die. But every person I've been or I am gonna be -- I'm gonna miss everything. Decade since. Living basement to basement. My dreams shot up for target practice. All my friends have moved on. Is this all there is? My selfish equation? Slouching into oblivion? Find out where I went wrong. I try to remember when this all didn't feel like an ending, or being swallowed alive. But I'm just trying to remember the sound of you voice when the bag goes over my eyes. Every person I am or I am gonna be -- I'm gonna miss everything.
8.
Watch your friend baptize her daughter in the river, and talk amongst themselves of what was lost in the flood. You're sitting barefoot on the porch of your parent's ruined doorstep. Rag up to your nose holding back the blood. Eight years away to come home to this. Getting smashed up in the basement. In the silence there you thought you might have lost your chance at heaven. But if everyone's gone in rapture, would you want to get better? Had dreams of living in New York like one of the skinny ones, but you pawned a few of them off and met a man out west. Now your pale skin catches fire no matter how deep you feel buried. And that hatred in the mirror you can't express. Now there are wrinkles on your forehead and the city is too expensive. You hear everyone laughing like you're still that awkward kid. If everyone's gone in rapture, why don't you want to get better? Your heart will never be full, so don't waste your grief on fools. The pain is everywhere if you go looking. The pain is everywhere saying "come find me." The pain is everywhere, so why are you searching? The pain is everywhere. And everyone's gone in rapture, but you didn't want to get better.
9.
Mutable 03:16
It was the summer of your Gemini wedding. You told me you didn't want to live in your body. Begged me to thank everyone for coming -- grab their gifts and go. The world finally resumed spinning and you tried to peek over the edge. Begged me to let you down easy before the vertigo kicked in. Spent our Easter at the Mall of America. Still not sure why we try. Wanted to ride out all my mania before I left. The coaster car was climbing. I hung my head over the edge. If the fall would go down easy then I could picture sinking in. Wish I could live my life until I got it right. I always swear I'll change, and then I act surprised. I'll probably sort myself out when I'm out of time.
10.
Here You Are 03:08
There's an oil field on fire. I'm freezing in my bed down in Austin. I try to power up my phone, like I'm conjuring a ghost to get your voice back in my head. I want to know what you'd make of it. You left two years before it stopped making sense. Told me to hold on, and that my time was coming. But we wrapped you in plastic. Go out like a spark. Put your trauma on me. Lie down in the dark. Tell me it won't hurt when it comes. There's a kid with a trust fund asking me why I'm not famous. I wonder if I take his fucking skin if I can stay in my apartment. But I never got this carried away with anything. Feels like I'm dying all the time.
11.
Exit Bags 04:00
I'm not sure when I stopped reading science fiction. Stopped believing in the world to come. When everything you dreamed at seventeen is stuck laughing at the sum -- you try to find some deeper meaning. But every day feels like an ending. You're not sure you feel it anymore. And you're not sure why that Catholic girl still lives inside you. You never shook your fear of hell. Transpacific flight. You may have already died, so smile up under the swell. And try to shake the constant feeling. The double takes and "no it can't be's. Then we met in a mansion and you swore you had the plan. Preacher talked about the ocean while you clamped onto my hand. Head split open in wonder. Marvel at the painted sky. Head split open whenever. You just want to see my face forever. I'm not sure when this turned into science fiction. Blessed to wake up at the world's end. A fitting joke. I found something to love. As you turn to salt in my hands.
12.
I watched the empire fall while I was waiting on a tire rotation. Or was it on the day that I met my exe's shaman? Either way it's just a bit mundane. I remember as a kid -- mobile classroom holding hands. Young christians with good intentions calling for a stranger's head. I found it all just a bit too much. So I got stoned to laugh it off. I coughed up blood on the casino tile. Red and white just like the fear that's in my eyes. I can see the things I've wasted, and that I'm a part of the equation. It's corrective lens and chipped glass. Rubber bullets flying by. It's someone drowning in the tear gas. Hum along to the hypersonic cry. Saying "come eat us alive!" It's a childhood friend holding tight onto his gun. Wrote a letter to a judge to try to help him keep his son, and now he's in an unmarked van stealing children off the street. So I got stoned and opened up my mouth. Feigned surprise when no sound came out. It feels like clawing out my eyes. The knowing nod and the urge to disappear again. So I kill the things I wanted. Collective shrug. The pendulum swings. It's like I'm fighting off the bends and singing. Asking aloud, "What about me? Don't I deserve to be happy?" "Your happiness is a war crime when there's 10k more on the chalk lines." I wish they'd come in the night and let the optimist die. Pray to god that we go quick. Let's not romanticize about it. Just let the noise of the feedback start to rise. It still is the way it is. It had to balance in the end. And we're a part of the equation.

credits

released August 25, 2023

license

all rights reserved

tags

about

Spanish Love Songs Los Angeles, California

5 piece punk rock band from Los Angeles California.

shows

contact / help

Contact Spanish Love Songs

Streaming and
Download help

Redeem code

Report this album or account

If you like Spanish Love Songs, you may also like: